Reflection or Illusion?

Two long years of travelling between India and Singapore and where have I reached? I wonder why the feeling of patriotism and the sense of pride towards India took over me only after going to Singapore. I guess (also most-rightly said) we realize the actual worth of anything only after losing it. But have I really lost India? Or am I losing it in pieces?

There are times in Singapore when I come across Indian books, literature, culture and most influencingly the magnificent pictures of our innumerable national heritages. Several of my friends can act as witnesses to my hyper level of excitement during these moments. How I feel rejoiced if I can find something Indian on the streets, mention about India in SS modules or at the museum, about Subhas Chandra Bose's presence in Singapore even before independence, the president of Singapore being of an Indian origin and most importantly, Singapura - the name itself derived from Hindi. These things have always made me realize how much I love India and miss it during my time in Singapore.

But this time in India, a nascent feeling has surrounded me. I've started experiencing a sense of pride in being a part of Singapore - of this tiny state where I've spent merely 6.4% of my whole life (till date i.e.) Comes a news referring to what's new (or old) about Singapore and I find myself reading through the whole article as if trying to experience the comforts of my second home once again. All the more, I'll start talking about the different places I've been to and what's good (and rarely about what's bad) at certain places to whoever is sitting beside me.

It is turning out to be a total reciprocation of the feelings I have for India when in Singapore. When in India, I've always missed Singapore - the university, my friends, the climate, the easy transportation and the friendly and helpful nature of (most) people. But that doesn't mean that I've started looking down upon India. The rich culture of my country has always fascinated me and will continue to do so.

But I fear. I fear of being torn apart between these two nations. One, which gave me birth and helped me grow into what I am today and the second that is supporting me to build myself, a bright and reassuring future. Roughly speaking, I've been staying out of India for 2 years now but to be precise, I've just spent 494 days in Singapore. And I'm already having a feeling of being shared by the 2 countries. How can Singapore imprint an impression on me so deep in so less time that I've started looking at it the same way I look at India when overseas?

I wonder if it's a feeling of my acceptance of Singapore (and vice versa) or am I just being fascinated by a "developed" nation where there is absolutely nothing in the name of culture or natural beauty but artificially-lined trees, unnatural beaches and a working environment so alarmingly comfortable that it can easily make a jellyfish of a person. I am yet to discover what really is in my heart for this "City of Choices". Does it really takes India's place when I'm already here or is it just an illusioned reflection I'm looking at?